Off-hand remarks are hurtful

The old adage, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me," is a quaint phrase, but far from the truth of real life. In reality, names can hurt, and they leave lasting scars on the emotional body just as the "sticks and stones" do on the physical body.

I have always enjoyed living in a peaceful and safe town, where I can walk down the streets at any hour of the day or night without feeling unsafe. Where people have respect for other people, and even say hello when passing. But just the other day, my evidently idealistic view of Whitefish was broken. I was walking with my girlfriend across Central School lawn at about 10 p.m. last week, and we decided to sit on the benches for a while. It was very peaceful, the sun was setting and we were enjoying life in small town. Then a boy, no more than 12 years old, rode by slowly on his bike and as he passed us, two complete strangers, he yelled "Hey Skinny, Hey Fatty," to myself and my girlfriend. My initial impulse was to ignore him…I don't get my feathers ruffled too easily, but when I looked at my girlfriend, she was close to tears. That insult from an anonymous boy on a bike really hurt her. So as he biked off, I commented he really ought to have some respect for people, but he never looked back.

I am saddened on many levels because of this event. First, my girlfriend was hurt, and emotional scars are hard to erase. Secondly, I thought our town brought kids up to wholesome values, where folks respect folks, help them, not tear them down. Thirdly, I was at a loss as to what to do at that moment. He was no more than 12, and I am nearly done with college. I very well couldn't walk up to him and give him a lecture on respect, it was obvious he wouldn't have taken one word I could have said to heart. I couldn't chase him down, that is just uncalled for. And I don't know his parents, so I couldn't call them and explain what happened. So instead I am writing this letter. Maybe it's to him, maybe his parents, I don't know, but I had to do something to bring this to the city's attention.

I know this event seems relatively small in the cycle of life events, but what will this boy do as he grows up? Will he become increasingly disrespectful and verbally abusive to others? As a community we need to raise our kids to be respectful and kind, and for the most part I think folks do. But for those kids that don't have that respect, shouldn't we take notice of that, and try and help them understand? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is a statement I don't choose to live my life by. I'd prefer to live by this one, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

Peter J. Epler

Whitefish