The Stableman's daughter

It was in the news this week. Beginning this year in Montana a student can get a B.A. (four-year) degree in Horsemanship.

The press release from Rocky Mountain College said they expected a good response from out of state students because this is the only state offering such a degree. While reading that story on my morning news. I was hit by an irresistible urge to recite the only one-liner in my repertoire on the topic of horsemanship:

"She was only the stableman's daughter, but all the horsemen knew her."

The phone rang and an elderly sounding lady said, "George Ostrom. Where ever did you get that joke? It was sort of funny the first time you used it back in the fifties, but enough is enough." The lady said she was a long time fan, then I asked her how she could remember I had told that joke fifty years ago?

"Easy," she replied. "My late husband and I were cleaning out our barn that day and had a radio going. You told that joke and my husband stood still a minute then said, 'Where in the world do you suppose radio stations find guys like him?'"

While I'm rehashing some old jokes, one of my favorites, which I admit you've seen here a time or two, is about my friend who said he had gotten a "friendly divorce." When asked what that meant he replied, "I got to keep anything that fell off the truck when she drove away."

Yes! It is an old joke but we're using it here to introduce another subject. Two weeks ago there was a story in the Bozeman paper about a "Divorce Preparation Workshop." The story said registration was required, but the workshop was "free." The official title was "Divorce Preparation and Resources Seminar." The lessons in divorce preparation were taught by a man named Nicholas Borudeau and a woman, Maureen McInnis. These two work for a service business called "Mediation Works."

Having never before heard of a divorce preparation seminar, I'm trying to find out what you learn there. If I find out you folks will be the first to know. The last time we discussed divorce in this column was last year when a friend of mine was getting his third one. Remember? He told me he was going to save money next time around by just finding a woman who didn't like him and buying her a house.

According to a reporter with the Knight Ridder Newspapers, a book is just out which says. "Dogs understand what humans say."

"As most dog owners will attest, our four-footed family members are listening . . . . . now there is proof they understand much of what they hear."

"New research in the Journal of Science shows that dogs have remarkable capacity to comprehend human speech. In the research was a canine Rico, a 9-year old border collie, who knows more than 200 words and is able to learn new ones as quickly as many children.

"To test Rico's abilities, researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig, Germany, placed a new toy with seven toys familiar to Rico. When the owner asked Rico to fetch the new item he correctly retrieved it seven out of 10 times."

"Veterinary Economics magazine points out that Rico demonstrates the verbal understanding about the level of a 3-year old child."

My feeling is that there is some guessing going on here along with researchers using "smoke and mirrors" in this latest smart dog business.

Closer to home, some readers may recall a few years ago when the Ostroms got a miniature schnauzer puppy. Iris and "Rascal" signed up and faithfully attended "Obedience Classes." They didn't actually grade the owners and their dogs but if they had, Rascal and Iris probably flunked. Neither seemed a bit more obedient after the course was over, but I digress.

Giving Rascal his due, he understands quite a few words . . . only if he wants to. He also is very good at letting us know when we've done wrong. Cousin Stanley came over last week for a visit. We all gathered around the dining room table and Stanley tossed his jacket on a nearby chair by the window. How would he know that was Rascal's front porch watching chair? He was told by the little black dog in no uncertain terms, "move the jacket."

Having dogs understand quite a few words, and having dogs who can convey some of their thoughts and feelings is old hat. What would terrify me would be some talented animal trainer breaking the barking code so that humans could understand the total dog language. Can you imagine your dog going over to the neighbors and telling all your family secrets?

The way it is now, only the little kids do that.