Letter from the editor

You've got mail

Whoever invented e-mail should receive a medal and life in prison. In today's fast-paced workplace, the need for constant accessibility continually grows, and e-mail is a perfect tool for this, but it can be a giant hassle.

The average worker is interrupted every 11 minutes by electronic mail. Here at the Bigfork Eagle it is no different.

And you wouldn't believe the nonsense that comes through. In the space of one hour, I received e-mails from the Democratic Party, the Republican Party and the Oregon Meat Goat Producers.

According to the Democrats, violent crime is skyrocketing across the country, and only one man is to blame - George W. Bush.

That's right, President Bush has single-handedly put a gun in every criminal's hand and made it impossible for the police to fight crime. If only Bill Clinton was back.

"President Bush has dropped the ball on crime," Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid said, referencing the golden years of the 1990s - when there was no crime and money flowed like wine.

The Republicans counter-punch with their own e-mail campaign. A few times a day I get urgent letters titled "Schumer Watch" in scary type. Did you know that Chuck Schumer and Howard Dean are trying to set up a puppet regime in Montana by getting Jon Tester elected?

Thankfully, Conrad Burns, the hero of the people, has absolutely no ties to money outside of Montana.

Yeah right, and Jack Abramoff was just a misunderstood philanthropist. That name didn't make the e-mail, of course.

Another spammer for Burns reminds me that his opponent, Jon Tester, refuses to run an issues-based campaign. This e-mail, of course, follows the radio ads that make fun of Tester's haircut. Way to stick to the issues, guys.

And don't forget, another GOP letter states, that Democrats are all talk and no walk on border security. Those two-faced donkeys are probably sneaking illegal immigrants into the United States in their own trunks.

The great political war is waged one e-mail at a time.

It's like both parties hired teenagers who didn't get enough hugs to type out nasty letters and spam every account they can find.

In spite of the wasted words by talking heads salivating for an extra vote, some truly useful messages come through.

For instance, if I'm willing to drive to Redmond, Ore., I could attend the Oregon Meat Goat Producers' second annual Fall Pen Sale. Not only are there various embroidered goat-related shirts and hats, but the public is also invited to stop by and see some "top-notch goats."

Anyone interested in getting into the business will have a chance to purchase BREEDING STOCK GOATS! You too could become a successful goat producer.

It's goat utopia, I tell you.

Now don't get me wrong, we look forward to e-mails and phone calls from the community. In fact, we want those. If we don't respond right away, it's because there are some top-notch goats available. Who could pass that up?