The handsome stranger and the IRS
By GEORGE OSTROM
Gosh! It’s probably too late to save some of you good folks from bank/IRS problems this year, but for those who did not authorize the Federal Tax collectors to electronically tap your checking account this year… BEWARE!
Mark Twain said, “A banker is someone who will loan you an umbrella when the sun is shining.” I almost needed the umbrella last month.
If Twain was around today he might say, “An IRS collector can tap your checking account faster than you can make a deposit.”
Finished up tax preparation with accountant late Friday afternoon, April 13th. Owed a few hundred dollars more than we’d paid in. Though the banks were still open when I left the accountant’s office, I didn’t go down and deposit money from savings to be sure and cover the electronic extraction we knew was coming. Went home instead, to take “some medicine.” Working on taxes always makes me need medical attention.
Monday morning when the bank opened I went to make the deposit. Told the cashier the IRS was going to be making an electronic withdrawal from checking, so I needed to know exactly how much was in there. She called up the info on a computer and said, “You’ve got three dollars in your ‘secret beer account.’”
I was floored because there should have been a few hundred. “There must be some mistake.”
That’s when we got a printout of recent checking account transactions and quickly saw the IRS extraction had ALREADY GONE THROUGH. Near as I can figure, the IRS collectors got my returns over the Internet about 4 p.m. and sent the authorization for withdrawal of monies a few seconds later. If they didn’t, then they must have worked on Saturday or Sunday, which makes a fellow wonder if “their” computers can work with bank computers on weekends and nighttime. If they can… then that is really scary.
If we owe money next year, I’m going back to the usual method of mailing a check. That way I’ll have time to get my medicine and then make a bank deposit before the mail gets delivered and sorted in the Utah Revenue Collection Center.
That’ll show ’em… they can’t horse Ol’ George around.
Speaking of banks. If things are not crowded in the bank when I go in, I usually ask, “Who wants to help the tall handsome stranger?”
Having worked in a bank, I know the jobs in there can get rather dull at times, and a little fun creates a break. The cashiers usually make some sort of joke about my question and all act anxious to wait on me; however, the other day when I announced, “The tall handsome stranger is here,” the only man at the counter looked all around, including right at me, then turned back to his cashier saying, “Guess the tall handsome stranger must have left already.”