Simultaneous flushing of 10,000 toilets

Mayor of the town near Phoenix where the Super Bowl will be played on Feb. 3 has politely declined the chance for a "special ticket price." She says she can't afford 'em. What was the offer? Only $900 for a "fairly good" location. I have been told that some seats near mid-field are going for over $10,000 each. Reading about that makes us regular folks wonder, "Who buys all those tens of thousands of tickets?"

Not to worry. Like most of you, I'll have a very comfortable seat in front of a nice sized TV and not far from a restroom. Thinking about all this caused me to look up a column printed here 22 years ago. Forgive me the repeat, but the problem discussed in 1985 has grown immensely:

At approximately 2 p.m. Mountain Standard Time this Jan. 26, television history will be made and heaven knows what else will happen. A daring experiment takes place with consequences so far reaching it boggles the human mind to contemplate. I know this is true because I have contemplated it with my human mind and it boggled.

Nobody likes to be boggled all by themselves, so in loneliness, I am going to share. Sunday, Jan. 26 (1985), is Super Bowl Sunday. Not a frightening deal by itself… but wait. The game is set to start at 3 p.m. local time and there is a two hour pre-game show to build up the excitement, and an audience into the tens of millions. A half-minute commercial during this build-up only costs $200,000, but they really get expensive once the game gets underway. The game sponsors don't want anyone sneaking off for a sandwich or a call from nature.

So, here comes the boggle. Before the game starts, there is going to be a one-minute break. NBC isn't calling it anything in particular, but we know what they want us to do. There won't be any beer commercials, no shots of the 1929 Rose Bowl. Nothing.

Right here in the Kalispell area there will be so many refrigerator lights going on it could cause a power outage at the Flathead Electric substations. Worst of all, the anticipated flushing of 10,000 toilets could cause the water tower on Buffalo Hill to go dry and raise Ashley Creek two feet, but those problems are nothing. Think a minute about New York, L.A., Chicago and Seattle. We are talking about a nation-wide flush in the billions of gallons.

Now that I am recovering from being boggled, I realize that it could be worse. Much worse. NBC could have scheduled this most awesome "potty break" in the history of the universe during the game itself.

A person with the right attitude can always find a little blessing someplace.

Just recalled an appropriate quote, "Her face was flushed… but her broad shoulders saved her."

Happy New Year!

G. George Ostrom is the news director of KOFI radio and a Hungry Horse News columnist.