Autos, Dingbats and AP

Few years back my car was acting up so drove it to the garage. Relying on my vast mechanical wisdom going back to Model-T Fords, I helpfully told the service manager, "You should probably check the distributor."

"Uh! George," he hemmed and hawed, "Ordinarily we'd be happy to do that except 'er … your car doesn't have a distributor."

"DOESN'T HAVE A DISTRIBUTOR? When you guys sold me this rig the salesman said it was 'loaded' and I assumed all the parts were there. He should have told me something that important was missing."

Since then I've bought a couple other cars, discovering struts have taken place of shock absorbers and springs. Steel frames are gone, replaced by "unitized" body, etc. In the last discussion of this modern automotive hanky-panky with my 'vehicle-service technician" I remarked, "The next thing you know they'll quit putting in a carburetor." In absolute seriousness he said, "Those were pretty much phased out in the late 80s."

In total shock, I asked, "What in the world replaced them?" his answer — "Most newer engines have computerized fuel injectors."

Car things have reached a point in my mind where I will no longer offer one single little hint to help mechanics. From here on out … They are completely on their own. In more important matters, last Sunday's local Daily had the usual law enforcement roundup, briefly listing a half page of dingbat, wing nut and looney tune activities. In the bare facts department, "Kalispell Police were called to Garland Street where a 'stout' man 'mooned' a woman who was looking at a house for sale." This was only one of 87 calls to city cops between Friday and Saturday P.M.s. The story did not say if the lady bought the house, anyway.

Sheriff's Office had 171 calls during the same 24 hours. Lots of people treating each other badly; however, there was one report involving a male doing something which could be dangerous to himself. He was out in the river fishing "naked." Obviously, the threat to certain body parts would depend upon how deep he waded. Perhaps he didn't know there are large voracious bull trout and northern pike in there.

Will Rogers said, "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." George is not Will Rogers, but he does likewise on a smaller scale.

The Associated Press has been the target of criticism from time to time in this column. Latest sample of questionable reporting comes in a different form. At least two veteran members of the Thursday Over the Hill Gang have recently been called by an AP reporter seeking their opinion on what she referred to as "disturbing" flights by sight seeing helicopters over Glacier Park. These two men, Ivan O'Neil and John Dalberg, have spent countless days hiking and climbing thousands of miles up there. Ivan's been at it over a half century.

The AP reporter twisted her questions, assuming Ivan and John already consider such flights "disturbing." That tactic is a no-no for professional journalists. Ivan flat-out told her he has never been bothered by the occasional helicopter he hears or sees in Glacier and related how he had recently been standing on a high remote ridge as a copter came over. Told her his thoughts were, "In that copter are people who can not climb and hike like I have been blessed to enjoy. Helicopters enable many others to have an unforgettable experience uniquely viewing this magnificent Park, people who otherwise would never have the chance. That doesn't bother me and never has."

John gave the AP writer similar answers and from her spin on the questioning, we can logically assume she was disappointed. It will be interesting to see if AP does a factual story on the helicopters. It is highly unlikely Ivan or John will receive another call, but if so they are going to recommend she call George Ostrom. That's also very unlikely.

Don't know how thrilled I should be. The annual "Best of the Flathead" poll run by the Daily Interlake among its readers is out again and I received the most votes as the "Best Promoter." Small problem is, the report of results doesn't exactly accent "… of the Flathead Valley," suggesting I might just be an outright "promoter." This has led to a few "wise acres' to suggest, "Maybe you should start a new 'weight loss plan' or used car lot."

Life is good.

G. George Ostrom is a Kalispell resident and a national-award winning Hungry Horse News columnist.