Revisiting Harper's Index

Missed getting in a column last week. Not a sign of aging, I hope, but rather a very busy time on other matters. Think it might be the first “forgot” in more than 10 years. Still hectic this week, including excitement of preparing income tax. Please enjoy an “oldie” from 20 years ago with personal comments on Harper’s Annual Index Report:

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Only 16 percent of men earning under $6,000 per year say they cheat on their wives, while 70 percent of those bringing in over $70,000 say they do that dirty deed. Must just occur in big cities. Nobody working hard enough around here to make that kind of loot would have time for dalliance. Would he?

It costs $12,000 for lighting a night game at Shea Stadium. The average life of a big league baseball is five pitches. By then, it’s either scuffed too much or lost in the stands. When I was a kid at the Flathead Mine, my brothers and I had one baseball that lasted two summers before we had to start taping it.

Harper’s says 45 percent of Americans never read books. That’s a tough one to believe, at least for me. I seldom read fiction anymore, but I couldn’t imagine life without books. In fact, here I am engrossed in the Harper’s when I’m supposed to be shoveling the walk. Iris and I read on a daily basis. That’s probably why our four kids are avid readers. I feel sorry for people who deprive themselves of that soaring pleasure. Makes you wonder if they watch sunsets.

While we’re talking of soaring, one third of Americans have never flown in an airplane. That I understand. On my first flight, the pilot was a local friend who had just earned his private license and couldn’t wait to show off with high-speed stalls, spins and a power-off landing. I went home mad and left him to clean up the cockpit by himself. Jumped out of the next 50 planes they herded me into. Took years to overcome fear of flying without a parachute, but had to. Airlines get nasty with people who go aboard wearing one.

Says here the average person who is happy about a new car will tell eight other people. If unhappy, they’ll tell 22 people. Most successful businesses know one dissatisfied customer can undo the good work of several satisfied customers, but this is the first time I’ve seen a ratio.

Fifty-eight percent of divorced men say they are happier than they were, but 85 percent of the women claim they are happier. That seems odd when only 4 percent of the females prefer a woman boss, while 29 percent would rather work for a man. I’ve never had a female boss on my day job, but at home Iris treats me well if I follow orders.

Here’s another scary statistic for males — 80 percent of the men would marry the same woman if they had it to do over, but only 50 percent of the women would pick the same husband. I’ll be asking Iris about this tonight … right after the ball game.

Wimmin’s lib has changed many things, and it is not all for the better. Twenty years ago, few ladies bragged they could do well in a fist fight, but now 27 percent say they could duke it out “better than average.” The number of American women in prisons has increased since 1974 by 285 percent. It’s easy to recall when we went months in the Flathead without one in the county jail, but last Monday there were eight — two on assault charges.

Maybe I should get that walk shoveled before Iris gets home.

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.