Mooning memories

Because there are so many more serious immoral acts against society each day other than "mooning," that strange activity does not receive a lot of coverage in the press these days; however, reports of such shenanigans are still a regular item on the law logs. One report last week told of three boys who mooned people at a restaurant then took off running through the bushes. A responding deputy arrived at the same time the three dingalings returned to the scene of their indiscretion because they had forgotten their skateboards. He turned them over to parents for counseling.

That incident reminded me of a well-researched column presented here in the summer of 1986:

Up until a few years ago, "mooning" meant "passing time aimlessly" ... usually due to a case of "puppy love." It doesn't mean that anymore. Now it connotes a form of exhibitionism wherein the "mooner" reveals his or her bare behind in a lower form of "flashing."

Trying to get to the bottom of this anti-social phenomenon is difficult but I am a reporter. Asked a local mooner if his kind just reared up at people or if they also mooned inanimate objects. He replied that non-human targets weren't much fun, but he might try mooning the moon sometime, provided the effort was organized as a group session to relieve hostile feelings toward NASA.

State Representative Marie Parente has introduced a bill in the Massachusetts's state legislature to outlaw "public exposure of the human backside." She says the innocent public must be protected from the "psychological trauma of mooning." Some of Marie's colleagues are calling it the "Ban the Bun Bill" thus making it the butt of many jokes. One senator said his group was going to ignore the bill by just turning the other cheek.

Mooning does not come under the statutes covering indecent exposure here in Montana, Massachusetts, or any other state I can find. This fact has given law enforcement officers across the country a nude awakening. A local officer told me they have prosecuted a few mooners but they did it under the disorderly conduct laws. He said, "You've really got to catch 'em with their pants down, otherwise there is always a problem with identification."

Very few witnesses are adept at giving accurate descriptions.

One of this county's public defenders says he hasn't had a mooning case yet, but if he gets one he'll bring in a psychologist to testify his client's behavior is a compulsive act, manifesting a split personality. It will be the first case where a defendant is allowed to actually "sit on" the evidence.

I asked one of our state representatives if there was any talk of a "Bun Bill" for our next legislature and if he had taken a position on the issue. He said he thought it was just a passing fanny and the worst was behind us, and then mumbled something about there being two sides to every problem.

All my research has failed to reveal where the bottom line will be drawn on this mooning business, but either way we know ... the end is in sight.

G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning columnist for Hungry Horse News. He lives in Kalispell.