'Fighting For Our Lives'

Noah Couser has a gift for speaking to young people.

During the past decade as a teacher, he has talked to thousands of students at Kalispell Middle School, and as his career has progressed he has seen a growing need for talking with young people about values.

In 2014 he made a video of a talk he used to be able to give to Kalispell Middle School eighth-grade girls at the conclusion of a sex education unit. The talk is titled “What Every Eighth Grade Girl Needs To Hear.” The purpose is to teach young women about their self worth, setting boundaries and making good choices. He posted the video to Youtube and it has been watched almost 5.5 million times.

Last year Couser created the first Character Conference. In May he was joined by his wife Megan, Coach Grady Bennett, Courtney Baker, Jen Parsons and Ben Bridwell to speak to students about perspective, resilience and confidence. Held at Glacier High School, the conference was well-attended, but he came to realize that May 23 was too late in the school year. The conference needed to be held earlier to have more impact. Additionally, he decided he didn’t want to simply recreate the same event year after year, and he found himself wondering what the focus of the next Character Conference should be.

After losing a former student and player to suicide, both Couser and Bennett came to the conclusion the next conference should focus on resilience and equipping young people in the struggles of life. Andrew Harris, who was a graduate of Glacier High School and a member of the Montana University Grizzly football team, committed suicide in January. This year’s event, which is scheduled 7 p.m. Wednesday, March 13, is titled, “The Character Conference: Fighting for Our Lives in an age of Anxiety, Depression, Loneliness, and Suicide.”

Although youth suicide is the impetus for this event, the content of the event will primarily focus on developing personal resilience, as well as connecting attendees with resources.

“It’s a talk about reaching out, resourcing, and empowering students who are growing up in a difficult age,” Couser said.

“This is heartbreaking, and should not be happening,” he continued. “I feel fortunate enough to have been given a bit of a microphone to speak into people’s lives, and I want to give them tools for the struggle. We all struggle. It’s easy to be awesome when everything in your life is going well. How do we struggle without destroying our mental health, without destroying our relationships? How do we be seekers of others who are struggling and utilize the pain in our own life to be a source of help for others? The goal of this event is going to be to give people some tools to struggle well in the fight of life.”

Montana has the highest suicide rate in the country, he noted, attributing this, in part, to a “frontier mentality” — the belief that Montanans have to be tough. And one of the biggest hurdles Couser is facing with this year’s event is the preconceived notions about loneliness, suicide, depression and anxiety.

“People look at these words on a poster and may immediately want to say, ‘that’s not me,’ but this event is for everyone.”

According to the 2017 Montana Youth Risk Behavior Survey Suicide Report by the Montana Department of Public Health and Human Services, in the 12-month survey period 9.5 percent of Montana high school students attempted suicide one or more times.

“An 11-year-old girl in Utah killed her self because her dad took her cellphone away,” Couser said. He pauses for a moment. As an eighth-grade teacher he knows firsthand how difficult these years can be in a young person’s life. “This is the time when we are our most awkward, our most insecure, our most under-resourced, and our most impulsive. That is a dangerous combination.

“When we are in the struggle, all we can see is the struggle,” he continued. “When we are in the storm, all we can see is the storm. But we have to start recognizing there is stuff for us to learn in the storm that will help us when the sun shines again. I am a better father, a better teacher, because of my struggles, but how do we embrace the struggle? We don’t get to choose whether we struggle, but we do get to choose how we will respond which can include things like reaching out, counseling, finding resources, getting connected with a coach or a teacher or parent.

“I am not belittling anyone’s pain. Everyone can take the things they’ve been through and turn and help someone else,” Couser said. You can choose to see the unique experiences of your life as something that will someday be used for good.”

“We need to love each other better,” Couser emphasized. “We need to check in and we need to love ourselves. Love is a commitment, not a feeling. We can support each other, come alongside one another, and walk through the difficult times with each other. We can lock our shields together.”

For more information go to www.thecharacterconference.com

Photographer Brenda Ahearn may be reached at 758-4435 or bahearn@dailyinterlake.com.